


I won't let you be denied

by mybabylove



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Cats, Couch Cuddles, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Lots and lots of cats, M/M, Nightmares, Nines takes care of a run down Gavin, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sleep Deprivation, Sleepy Cuddles, Touch-Starved Gavin Reed, basically to make a long story short, gavin reed is a stubborn touch starved asshole and nines is there to catch him when he falls, hank makes a brief appearance too, reed900, we love love in this house!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25846846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybabylove/pseuds/mybabylove
Summary: Gavin has a few very, very bad nights, and is worn down to the bone. Nines accidentally pushes him over the edge, and causes him to have a big breakdown at work. Nines hadn't expected it, feels incredibly bad about it and tries to reconcile and apologize. He does more than that though, he helps settle Gavin and calm his ever frayed mind.AKA; the very self-indulgent touch-starved Gavin "I deny myself love and affection" Reed fic I've been wanting to write.Am I projecting my desire for lots of cats n luv and affection? Absolutely.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 45
Kudos: 382





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> what's up y'all !! 😤  
> I'm writing this fic in three parts, so it might take a few days for the other parts to follow (especially since I'm in the middle of exam season oops). I apologize in advance. 
> 
> This fic is a bit story heavy, it's not the _most_ straightforward thing, and this first chapter is mainly setting the scene a bit, so if you prefer you can wait until the other chapters are up before you start reading. Though I personally really, really like this chapter haha.
> 
> Anyways, I mention 5 cats, and since I prefer to have a visual and a short 'profiling' to not get lost in them, I did just that lmao. I'll leave it down here in case anyone's interested! You can come back to this when you get to the cat part, if you want. I'm probably gonna mention them a lot throughout the story.
> 
> Gavin's cats:  
> -[Rosie](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/b3/3e/a8/b33ea89b6f1702eecf9dac8df640cc24.jpg): White with one blue, and one yellow eye. More docile and reserved than the others, but has a special place in her heart for Espresso.  
> -[Espresso](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/cc/a5/72/cca5723a8b725345a9db3575c35b2550.jpg) (nickname: dipshit): A brown burmese kitten, very energetic and crazy, but super affectionate. Loves being around Rosie.  
> -[Mochi](https://dl5zpyw5k3jeb.cloudfront.net/photos/pets/47926988/5/?bust=1588789011&width=720): A grey shorthair mix, very laid-back, but also affectionate and even clingy.  
> -[Peaches](https://fluffyplanet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/shutterstock_1106800346-e1556398466702.jpg): A pale orange American curl, also loves a good cuddle, is a bit more active than mochi and not as clingy.  
> -[Amaretto](https://cat-world.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/calico-cat-1-1.jpg): A mainly black and orange calico, also kinda crazy and active, but less than espresso
> 
> As always, I hope you enjoy!! <3 Please let me know any comments/constructive criticism/mistakes, it's very appreciated :)

Gavin pries his bleary eyes open and stares at the bright red numbers of his alarm clock.

05:17, it reads.

He nearly wants to cry in frustration, feeling the exhaustion settle deep within his bones. His eyes prickle with angry tears, catching in his eyelashes, and Gavin squints them shut before the droplets can roll down his face. He grits his teeth and pulls at his hair, sucking in a deep breath of air as he sits up, to try and calm the boiling heat of anger he feels bubbling up.

Yet another night he’s been unable to shut his eyes for longer than 30 minutes, at most. Stupid fucking brain. And it’s nights like these that are the worst. When he forces himself to stay in bed to try and catch some sort of sleep.

Usually, when his insomnia keeps him awake, he gets up and goes do something to exhaust his body, tire out his mind to keep everything at bay. A walk through the streets of Detroit often helps clear his head of anxiety riddled thoughts during those times. The biting fresh air, and the night sky lit up with stars make him feel at ease. The moonlight bathes everything in a cool, eerie glow, and there’s a complete stillness of life after midnight that leaves him breathless. In those moments it seems as if the world has stopped turning, for everyone except for him. And the occasional stray cat he comes across. Another little thing that makes his late night walks rather pleasant.

Other times, he allows the restlessness to keep him company. He’ll keep his mind occupied with a case file and a cup of coffee, and powers through the night.

Those sort of nights are _fine_. He’s learned to deal with them, learned to accept the agony and pure exhaustion that accompanies him the following day. However, this night, and the last few nights really, hadn’t been anything like that.

His insomnia has gotten worse, his exhaustion has been building up, and he can’t possibly fathom why. Someone up there clearly has it out for him. Restless night, after restless night, after restless night, until it sinks deep beneath his skin and finds a home within him. It makes him want to claw his skin raw. His thoughts have been a lot more intrusive, malicious and _vile_ , and his night terrors have increased.

Not even the walks help clear those out anymore, he feels too worn down to even _think_ about leaving his house at 3 AM, knows his legs will not want to carry him. He thinks he’d pass out somewhere in the middle of the streets if he tried, and while passing out almost sounds like a gift right now, he’d rather not be found lying somewhere frozen to death in a ditch.

Coffee is only making his anxiety get worse, and worse, and _worse_ , and he cannot keep his mind to stay focused on a case file to save his fucking life right now.

So, unable to do what he usually does, he had tried to make himself succumb to sleep, all night long. He had forced himself to stay in bed, kept his eyes shut tight even as his overactive brain kept him awake. But having nothing to distract him seems to have only made it worse.

He’s gotten to a point where nothing seems to work anymore. Had been tossing and turning for hours upon hours, constantly teetering the edge between consciousness and unconsciousness, weird fever dreams filling every part of his being. It left him in a constant state of sleep deprived delusion, where he could barely tell apart reality from his dreams.

At one point, sleep paralysis had gotten hold of him. All Gavin remembered was the feeling of being held down, the blood in his veins replaced with heavy lead, leaving him unable to move as much as a single hair. Only surrounded by darkness, and a _very_ unsettling feeling deep in his stomach that still terrifies him when he thinks about it. It had nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack right after, but some fucking how he’d managed to talk himself down, guide himself through it, to some degree.

So, here he is now.

His lack of sleep has been building up, night after night. His brain feels overactive, neurons constantly firing and leaving behind a trail of electricity when all he wants is some _quiet_. He’s frayed at the edges, ready to come undone with even the lightest of pulling on his strings. Unstable like a house of cards, all it takes is a dust of wind for the whole thing to crumble.

Gavin presses the palms of his hands against his eyelids, pushing until he sees colorful fireworks spark behind them. He doesn’t allow himself to collapse, cannot allow himself to. He’s got work in less than 2 hours, he needs to start getting ready. Though he has no fucking clue how he’s going to manage getting through the day without either reaching a major breaking point, or just straight up passing out.

A soft ‘ _mrreow’_ from beside him makes him look up from his hands, sees the feline coming up to rub her head against his elbow. He can’t help the small smile that tugs at his lips. He feels a bit of the heaviness in his heart lift as the cat continues nudging her head against his arm, demanding pets, and a deep sigh painted with a sliver of relief empties from his chest as he starts scratching the mostly black-and-orange calico cat behind her ears.

“Yeah, yeah.. You’re ready for some food now, aren’t you?”

Amaretto, the definitely-not-by-Gavin-himself-named cat, ahem, jumps off the bed and heads over to the bedroom door, waiting for her owner to catch up.

He’s always had an affinity for cats, and vice versa. He might not be the best with people, manages to scream and kick and push everyone away with his short temper and brash nature, but cats have always enjoyed his presence. Perhaps cause they wouldn’t even understand if he insulted them anyways. Though he prefers to think it’s cause he emanates a certain kind of unconditional love and safety vibe, whatever the fuck that means.

There’s just something about him that puts most cats at ease. Gavin has volunteered in a few shelters here and there, and even the most hostile of cats eventually warmed up to him, to some degree. A few of the very unruly, antisocial ones, those that other people claimed would never get adopted, would end up being put down, he’d taken home with him. And with enough patience, with enough warmth and love, with a safe space for the felines to be as they are, he’s managed to build up a great bond between himself and the cats, over time.

 _Maybe that’s exactly what he himself needs._ Gavin allows the intrusive thought to pass through his weary mind, it leaves an empty, numbing ache of _want_ in its trail.

_Warmth, safety, and patience._

He scoffs at himself, shakes his head to rid of the stupid musings, and throws his blanket off himself to get on with his day.

The movement awakes Peaches, one of his other cats, who’s peacefully cuddled up together with Mochi at the foot of his Queen size bed. After a quick glance at Gavin, a yawn and a stretch of her front paws, the pale orange feline goes back to snuggling up with her partner. That makes 3 out of 5 cats.

Gavin drags himself out of bed, walks over to the cat tree on the wall opposite his bed, where he knows the other 2 will be. Sure enough, inside of the little house-like structure at the top, a ball of white fur lies. That’s Rosie, another cat he got from a shelter. Out of all the cats, she’s the most reserved one. She doesn’t mind Gavin per se, but she prefers to keep on her own. She’s more aloof than the others, but still shows affection in her own ways.

Not too long ago, the white cat used to always find new places to hide, hissed and batted her claws whenever Gavin tried to get close. It’s taken her a long while to warm up to the human, but she’s made incredible progress and Gavin couldn’t feel any more proud of the feline. They respect each other’s space, and if she’s in a rare mood for affection, she’ll come up to Gavin for a pet or two. There is one thing that has made her progress a lot quicker, though. Something that has made her a lot more approachable, and less withdrawn.

A tiny, dark brown head pokes its way out of the open door of the little house, and large amber eyes stare up at Gavin. He can’t help the grin that overtakes his face at the sight. And there’s number 5. Affectionately named Espresso.

The youngest, and also the only one he hadn’t gotten from a shelter. No, he had found this little girl scared, and alone, a few blocks away from his house.

He remembers the morning very clearly, remembers going to grab a coffee from his favorite coffee shop on his way to work. And just as he exited, the young kitten had run straight into the glass door. Gavin had nearly snorted in amusement, but when he took a closer look, the poor thing had looked _awful_ , terrified and clearly in pain, way worse than simply from running against a door. The fur at her hip was matted and dark, soaked with blood, and the tiny shivering back leg clearly couldn’t support her weight.

Before it could break off into a sprint away from Gavin, he’d bent down, placed down his coffee and picked up the little feline, careful to avoid the sore area of her lower legs. Up close he could see her crusty eyes and patchy fur, felt her heart racing in its tiny ribcage. Where before the kitten was quiet, she was now very loudly protesting, mewling and whimpering and trying to claw her way out of the human’s hand.

Gavin’s own heartrate was elevated, as he tried to hold the little thing in the most comfortable position and quickly took his phone out of his pocket. A look at the numbers blinking back at him told him he definitely didn’t have time for this, but fuck it. Fowler would understand.

 _“Hey, it’s okay little buddy. It’s alright, I’m here to help you. You’re fine, sweetheart, it’s all good. I won’t harm you. We’re gonna fix you up, huh? Don’t worry.”_ The kitten had quieted down after Gavin ever so gently pet his head, whispered soothing words to her as he rushed to his car to get to the vet.

He got the kid all patched up and cleaned up, and after a confirmation that she had no chip, he’d taken her home with him. The vet had told him she’d most likely been bitten by a dog, had applied a cast and splint that had to be renewed every week. He remembers how the kitten had awkwardly paddled around the apartment, not used to her back leg being restrained like that.

Unlike Rosie, Espresso took nearly next to no time to warm up to him. She was incredibly affectionate since the beginning, cuddled up to his face every single night.

She’s grown a lot since then, coming up at around 4 months of age. Nowhere near as big as the others yet, of course, but also no longer a the tiny little thing he found her as.

He still reminisces about that moment often, when he goes to the coffee shop. And thus, the name Espresso came to be. It matched incredibly well with her colors, and her never-ending energy, plus it had the fun story of how he got her attached to it, so he didn’t even bother considering anything else.

Now, imagine Gavin’s surprise when he started realizing Rosie developed a soft spot for the little rascal. Although complete opposites, they were almost always seen together. Usually Espresso would run around the house, go bother and play with the other cats, but he’d always end up back with the white feline.

And Rosie _loved_ having a kitten to care for. She frequently groomed Espresso, was found watching over her more than once, and at night, they were always entangled in each other. There was an openness and love that radiated off of her when they were together, something that Gavin only rarely saw before the brown cat had joined their little family.

A loud meow followed by the sound of sharp nails against wood pulls him out of his thoughts, and back into reality. Right. He has shit to do.

Feed the cats, shower, and get to work. Somehow don’t pass out at your desk.

Easy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I present to u: the fight™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come through overthinking! 😍 One minute I love what I'm writing, the next im hating it lmao. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! I loved writing this scene, nothing hurts better than a hurt soft bby Gavin.

By the time Gavin steps out of the shower, and his cats have their bellies filled, it’s 6 AM. He feels more like an actual person now, rather than just a shell of himself, but out of experience he knows the feeling won’t last long enough to carry him through the day. He has to leave for work in 30 minutes if he wants to arrive on time. It’s really only about a 20 minute walk, but he’s most definitely stopping by the coffee shop today. He’s in dire need of something stronger than the watery bullshit available at the precinct.

Gavin’s toweling his hair dry when he steps forward towards the sink, and for the first time this morning he sees his reflection in the mirror.

He looks like _shit._

The dark circles underneath his eyes are very prominent, hints of blue take up the space and make him look ghastly. His eyes look glazed over, red and slightly swollen from the lack of sleep, making the weight of them that much heavier. His whole face has an almost grey cast over it, it makes his skin look lifeless and sunken. God, he looks like he survived the fucking apocalypse.

Of course, Gavin’s no stranger to looking weary. He’s no stranger to exhaustion, and he’s no stranger to having people look twice at him when passes them. The questions they ask, the worried glances they give him.

But as with seemingly everything today, his appearance has reached new heights. He looks like he got run over by a fucking truck. The bruising colors underneath and around his eyes are deep and dark, and the shower did absolutely nothing to help it.

It takes everything within himself to unclench his fists and his jaw, deeply inhale, deeply exhale, and _not_ punch the mirror. He’s _fine._ He’s going to get through this day. And maybe, just maybe, he’ll be able to pass out on the couch as soon as he gets home, and catch a few hours of sleep. If not, he should still have some sleeping pills somewhere stuffed away in one of these cabinets.

He’s made a promise with himself to not touch those anymore, though. They more often than not left him with _very_ bad headaches, made him feel drowsy at random points during the day to the point where he was unable to keep himself upright on his feet. On top of that they made him feel a _lot_ more like shit mentally than he usually did.

So, he cut them off completely, stopped taking them and has since learned to deal with his insomnia in different ways. But desperate times call for desperate measures, and if he still doesn’t manage to catch a decent amount of sleep tonight, he’ll have no choice but to start taking them again.

But for now, he just focuses on today. Right here, and right now.

He walks out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. Only Rosie and Mochi are still here, both sleeping and ignoring the more energetic cats messing about in the living room. As he passes by his bed on the way to the closet, he gives Mochi a little rub underneath her chin. The grey cat rolls onto her back, stretching out fully and letting out a content little chirp as Gavin starts petting her tummy.

“Good thing none of you struggle with sleeping, hmh?”

He stays there with the feline for a little while, his big hands rubbing all over her fur, over her jawline, on top of her head. She’s clearly very appreciative, starts purring and rubbing her head against the sheets and back against Gavin’s hand. It helps settle him somewhat, helps ground him.

A sigh leaves his lips before he leans down and gives Mochi a little kiss on her stomach. “Right. You continue sleeping, I’ll go to work to feed all of your hungry asses.” He snorts, and carries on with getting ready. Mochi does as told, rolls back over onto her front, and lays her head on her paws to continue her beauty sleep. Gavin huffs out a laugh through his nose at the adorable sight.

He moves on, though. Grabs some clothes from his closet, his gun and keys from the bedside table, before finally heading towards the kitchen.

There’s a slowness and heaviness accompanying his every step today, things take a _lot_ longer to do than they usually do. He catches himself staring blankly at a wall in a weird sort of sleep deprived delusion more than once, then shakes his head to get himself out of it and tries to focus on what he’s doing again.

_Alright. He’s showered, he’s dressed. Got his gun, keys, phone.. His cats have been fed. What else, is there anything he’s forgetting?_

Right, breakfast. Although he quickly dismisses that thought. He’s definitely not a fan of running around with an empty stomach all morning long, especially at work, but the mere thought of shoving anything solid down his throat right now makes his stomach churn. Whatever. He’ll wait till his break to eat some lunch.

By the time he’s given some quick head rubs to most of the cats and is finally out the door, it’s 6:40. Meaning he has 20 minutes left. Which is exactly the time it takes for him to walk to the police station. Which means he doesn’t have enough time for coffee.

Well, it means he _technically_ doesn’t have enough time for coffee. But there’s no fucking way he’s missing out on that today. So he finds himself on his way to the café, enduring the biting cold of a dark winter morning as he tugs his coat a little tighter against himself. There’s snow everywhere, he nearly slips once or twice but simply pushes through and carries on on his quest for coffee.

When the shop comes into view, there’s a cue that’s definitely longer than normal. Who the fuck is so out to get him today, huh? Has karma finally fucking caught up with him?

Finally, fucking _finally_ he arrives at the precinct, at 10 minutes past 7, with a four shot americano in his hand. The drink is nearly empty already, and he downs the last bits of it on his way to his desk. It’s a very heavily caffeinated drink, and he’s definitely going to feel that amount in a minute. Good. It’s exactly what he needs.

Gavin looks up and sees Nines is already there, of course, his desk opposite against Gavin’s own. He takes a moment and prays to every single god out there, as he takes his seat, that the android can just keep his fucking mouth shut today.

Their working relationship has been improving lately, and he’s actually come to enjoy Nines’ presence quite a bit. He certainly isn’t the snobby goody two-shoes Gavin had originally thought he was, unlike _Connor_. They made a very strong team, both incredibly dedicated to their work. Though he’d never fucking admit it out loud, he was fascinated by just how much easier Nines made everything.

Obviously, because he was a fucking android, and could analyze shit within seconds just by shoving it against his tongue, and _god_ wasn’t that weird. He could preconstruct an entire crime scene based on a few pieces of evidence, most of which only his stupid special android eyes could see. Reports were typed simply by closing his eyes. Case files as well as CCTV footage were browsed through a lot faster, and Nines could even do an instantaneous background check just by a simple scan of someone’s face.

All in all, his assets made him a fucking gem to work with. But he’d be lying if he said that’s all there was to it. There’s a very specific way of thinking only _Nines_ could bring to the table. He always manages to look at cases at a slightly different angle than Gavin, a different perspective. Finds that one thing that Gavin could not. But there’s also a lot of things that Gavin comes up with, figures out, that wouldn’t have even crossed Nines’ mind. As a team, they put together all the missing pieces of the puzzle and more often than not, manage to solve it. They complement each other _really_ well.

Finally, a partner that didn’t hold him back, but helped him thrive at his job. He’s always been very ambitious, a dedicated, hard worker. Dangerously so, some would say. But so was Nines, and god did he feel the fire licking at his insides whenever they worked together. They very much had the same mindset, after all. Get the job done, and get it done well. No bullshit.

But all of that doesn’t mean he’s capable of dealing with Nines’ shit today. Alright, sure, usually their arguments start because of Gavin. But Nines always manages to get under his skin, always prods and pokes and pushes until Gavin explodes. He probably secretly enjoys it, the prick. Gavin has seen the look of triumph in his cold eyes when he manages to make him lose his temper and lash out.

But Gavin’s not even gonna _try_ and deny he likes the push back. Nines keeps up with him like no one else does, always keeps him on his toes. It might have started out maliciously, with the intent to hurt and degrade each other, but he thinks they’re past that now. Somewhere along the months, they’d both changed, learned to accommodate to each other, and give space where necessary.

Gavin was less explosive and learned to keep his temper somewhat in check. He learned to deliver a jab without the sting that it previously held, and the same went for Nines. They poked fun at each other, made snarky comments here and there, but it never got heated enough to turn into an actual fight. If Gavin was being real stupid, Nines would just roll his eyes and move on with his day.

So, they’ve managed to build up something pretty valuable, to Gavin at least. He _really_ doesn’t want to fuck that up today. But he knows himself, knows his much his temper shortens when he feels as worn down as he does. He’s noticed himself being more snide and sarcastic this week, knows Nines has noticed it too and has been keeping his distance a bit. Good. As long as he can keep doing that today, Gavin thinks they just might be fine.

Though before he even has the chance to start up his computer, Nines opens his stupid robot mouth.

“You’re late.“

He feels his eyes roll back into his skull, clenches his fist as he snaps at Nines. “Shut the _fuck_ up.”

 _Shit_. That came out a lot more biting than he’d wanted it to. Nines is visibly stunned for only a split second, mouth slightly ajar before it slams shut. Gavin can see his LED flicker to yellow. In different circumstances, he might’ve laughed. Would’ve been proud of himself to make his ever level-headed partner speechless. But not when the hurt was obvious in his eyes, obvious in the downward tug of the corner of his lips. Not when his stupid fucking mood ring was _still_ on yellow.

Make it right. Make it _right_ , Gavin _._

“I mean- uh-“ He clears his throat, tries to get through the stupid embarrassment he feels at his mistake, for Nines’ sake.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.. say it.. like that… I- Just-“ Gavin huffs out a breath and turns to his computer. “Look- Just don’t fuckin’ bother me today, alright? Jeez.”

He feels his cheeks heat up a bit, scrunches his face up in what’s meant to look intimidating but looks more like a miserable pout, and rubs the scar on his nose as he tries to make himself as small as possible.

There are deep roots of habit within him, holding him down, making him want to give in to those easy behavioral patterns. But he _doesn’t_ want that anymore. He wants to change, to do better and _be_ better. So, he mentally gives himself a pat on the back for his whack ass apology, and tries not to stew in his embarrassment. Hey, at least it was fuckin’ something, alright.

“My apologies, detective. I’m sure you have your reasons for your tardiness.”

Gavin feels his jaw clench, has to take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out. He’s going to ignore that. He knows Nines didn’t mean it maliciously, there was nothing in his tone that sounded spiteful. He just has a habit of saying the wrong things at the wrong time. Something they happen to have in common.

So, he lets the comment slide and tries to focus on his work. The overloaded caffeine from his coffee has fully kicked in by now, he feels the rapid thuds of his heart beating in his chest, the shakiness in his hand as drums his fingers on the desk to give his body something to divert the sudden energy towards. Perfect. He should be able to get some work done now.

There’s some reports he has to update and write out, has to schedule interviews with 3 witnesses at the station for statements, and answer the no doubt multiple voicemail messages that are waiting for him. Then he also has to review that other case, look through the file and photos, try to come up with any new steps he and Nines can take after the last lead was a total flop.

There’s a suspect coming in later today that he has to deal with, has to look over his notes and develop a plan of action, think about the question he wants to ask.

All in all, it’s a _fucking_ long, boring day. He hopes the witness statements can help him and Nines get on the right track, and they can start moving forward with some new evidence, at least.

He starts by writing out 2 reports that he had meant to finish yesterday, which takes up some time of his morning already. After that, Gavin picks up the phone, puts it against his ear and throws his feet on the desk.

He leans back in his chair with a grunt as he rubs at his tired eyes, and presses play on the voicemails. God, just hearing everyone chattering away both immediately in his ear, but also in the precinct, makes his head throb with pain.

The lights in the station seem so much brighter today, he feels a mix of exhausting jitters and nausea swirl in his stomach as he tries to keep his attention on the words of the people who had tried to reach out to him. It’s mostly worried family members of their newest victim. There’s a lot of crying and yelling at him involved, and it makes his splitting headache that much more excruciatingly worse.

Though he endures it, and pushes on. He calls back a few people, lets them know any updates on the case, tries to keep his voice as level as he can. But when one of the family members starts insulting him, telling him he’s not doing enough, that he ‘should do his fucking job already’, he just completely loses it.

“Alright listen closely, buddy. You don’t tell me how to do my _fucking_ job, understood?” He spits out, voice raising with a sharp, cutting edge to it. A few heads in the precinct pop up to look his way, but he’s too far gone, too far over this shitty day to give a single shit right now. How _dare_ this asshole.

Gavin’s already on edge, both his exhaustion and anxiety levels are incredibly high, making him feel irritable, prickly and impulsive. This was just the last straw. His job is one of the few things he holds dear, and he knows he makes a great fucking detective, so nobody can tell him shit about him ‘slacking off’. He doesn’t slack off. He works himself down to the bone every _single_ day, so if this prick thinks he’s entitled enough mouth off against him, Gavin won’t hesitate to fire back.

“If you think you know jack shit about anything I do or don’t do, you’re dead fucking wrong, asshole. Who the fuck do you think you are? You utter piece of-”

Before he gets to finish, the line goes dead. He looks up through the red haze of his fury and sees Nines leaning over their desks, finger pressed on the button to hang up the phone. His LED is spinning a crimson red, and there’s a livid scowl on his face. But it’s not just that. His eyes are open wide, mouth slightly ajar as well. His usually stony face looks almost shocked, worried. Like he’s unable to process what the fuck just happened.

And alright, he gets it. Gavin hasn’t yelled this _bad_ at anyone in weeks. And if the situation was any different, if maybe he had fucking been able to sleep a tiny bit more, he would’ve just hung up, let Nines deal with it and move on with his day.

But it’s the combination of _everything,_ that has pushed him over the edge today. He feels furious, completely frayed at the edges, and it’s the only way he knows to keep himself from falling apart. Anger. It’s like a whirlwind, doesn’t plan on stopping until it’s wrecked and ruined everything in its way. And right now, that’s Nines.

Gavin throws the phone down, his own enraged scowl matching the android’s. “What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?”

“What do _I_ think I’m doing? Excuse me?”

And there’s Nines’ cold, sneering voice, always reminding him how much better he thinks he is. How much he probably looks down on Gavin and his stupid, pathetic little temper tantrums. Some deep part of himself tries to remind him that he knows that’s not true. That him and Nines have developed a mutual respect. But in his blinding anger, he ignores it and pushes it down.

“Stop intervening with my shit, you motherfucker!”

Gavin jumps up, fingers balling into fists as he screams his voice raw. The feeling of his racing heartbeat in his throat leaves him breathless, and the sudden lack of blood in his brain makes dark spots dance all over his vision. Dizziness hits him and he falters ever so slightly. Of course, the stupid fuckin’ toaster notices.

“Gavin. Go take a break.”

He feels ready to fire back, the aggression still burning searing hot inside of him, and he wants to let it out so desperately. Anything to keep away the feeling of shame he _knows_ will follow soon after. Anything to keep himself from finally crumbling. But he can also see the multiple people looking their way, and a quick glance to Fowler’s office lets him know he’s watching them too. _Fuck_.

_Breathe. Reel it back in. Remove yourself from the situation, walk it off. Do better. Be better._

Gavin stares nines down for a few seconds longer, but then spins around on his heel, and walks away. But not before muttering a ‘don’t fucking tell me what to do’ underneath his breath. He ignores the eyes on his back best he can, ignores the heat rising to his cheeks that he knows is not from anger anymore.

_C’mon Gavin, count to fucking 10. You’re fine. It’s fine._

_Breathe in deep. One. Two. Three. Four. Breathe out again. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._

By the time he’s finished counting, he finds himself outside. The cold rush of air against his overheated skin feels good, and the crunch of snow beneath his boots grounds him. He takes a few more breaths to calm himself, and feels most of his lingering anger seep out. A hollow sort of emptiness fills the space it leaves behind, and he crumbles to the ground at the sudden weariness of his bones after all the adrenaline leaves him.

He keeps himself upright on his haunches, leaning against the wall and sighing heavily into his hands. _Fuck_ , he really needs a smoke right now. But then he’d have to go back into the precinct and wouldn’t that just be a fucking joy right now. _Oh, hello, yes, just here to grab my coat real quick! Don’t mind me, I’m just the guy that blew off against a murdered victim’s family member, no biggie!_

God, he wants to _cry_. He knows he’s gonna have to go in at some point, _although just walking off seems really fucking tempting right now_ ¸ but he’d like to stall the moment for as long as possible.

The sudden legs that appear in his vision between his fingers almost startle him. _When the fuck had the door even opened?_ He removes his hands from his face, looks up- and of _fucking_ course, it’s Nines. He just couldn’t leave him alone for 5 fucking minutes, could he?

The android doesn’t say anything, looks all fuckin’ stiff and weird as he usually does, with one hand behind his back. The other reaches out to him, holding a dark brown fabric that looks an awful lot like-

“Your jacket.”

“…What?” Gavin’s voice comes out a bit hoarse, sounding tiny and squeaky, and he immediately clears his throat in embarrassment.

“Your jacket.” Nines helpfully repeats, holding the fabric out further towards Gavin. “It’s 19.4 degrees outside today, with wind speeds reaching 17 miles per hour. And you’re wearing a T-shirt. I cannot have you be at risk for hypothermia.” The android pauses as Gavin makes no move to grab the coat, only looks away.

“Your cigarettes are in there too. I presumed you might want those. Not that I encourage your habits.”

That does get him to move, as he yanks it from Nines’ fingertips. “Just say ‘here you go’ next time and shut the fuck up, alright? Jeez.”

Nines is silent for a second before he nods. “Noted.”

And then he just stands there, both his hands clasped behind his back now. He’d look a bit awkward if it weren’t for his resting bitch face that just oozes confidence and power. Towering over Gavin like this, he seems even more intimidating.

But Gavin decides to ignore him, pats his coat pockets for his smokes and lights one up when he finds them. He flicks his lighter multiple times, uses his hand to shield the flame from the wind when it finally ignites, and breathes in the nicotine filled smoke. Nines has been staring at him the whole time.

Probably doing his stupid scans to see the unhealthy components of the cigarette smoke filling his lungs, or some weird shit like that. It only ticks him off more.

“What? Is there something on my face, tin can?”

“You’re sleep deprived.”

 _Alright. Straight to the fucking point then huh._ Gavin sucks in a deep lungful of his smoke, and exhales out again before he answers. The burn and lightheadedness that follows feels addicting, though in combination with his coffee earlier, his skipping of breakfast, and his lack of sleep, it’s making his stomach feel like it’s tied up in knots. On top of that he’s feeling increasingly more dizzy. He’s surprised he hasn’t passed out or vomited yet. He ignores his own body screaming at him and carries on.

“And you’re a fuckin’ robot. What about it?”

“Androids have been classified as an intelligent species, as of recent. The term robot would imply that’s not the case.” _Ever the fucking smartass._ “Besides, what I am or am not has nothing to do with the current evaluation of your wellbeing. Your stress levels and blood pressure have been elevated all day long, and your lack of sleep has been showing in your irritable and unpredictable behavior. On top of that, the drink you had earlier contained 303 milligrams of caffeine, which is already pushing the limits of your daily intake, and it’s not even 10 AM yet.”

Gavin feels himself grit his teeth, fist clenching and unclenching at his side as he tries to keep his cool. It still surprised him how much Nines was able to figure out about him. It felt violating, almost. In order to not create any more conflict than he already had, Gavin closes his eyes and ignores him. If he was so much smarter than Connor as he always claimed to be, he’d know to keep his fucking mouth shut right about now, before he blows another one of Gavin’s fuses.

But he just keeps going on, pointing out all of Gavin’s flaws, his mistakes, pressing a knife into his weak spots and twisting it, deeper and deeper.

“We cannot afford to loose our cool when talking to acquaintances of the victim, you know this. They potentially have a witness statement that will get changed and warped depending on _your_ behavior towards them. Exhaustion and an overconsumption of caffeine have negative effects on your health. You’re not only sabotaging yourself, but also all of the work we’ve been doing. If you want to do your job, you should do so well rested.”

And Gavin _completely_ loses it. He barely remembers anything but the red hot _fury_ , the scowl on Nines’ face as he gets up fast, drops his cigarette and pushes the android hard enough to make him stumble. Gavin gets a sick sort of pleasure out of it, wants to _hurt hurt hurt_. Words push at his throat, clawing their way out, and any little self-control that he had is thrown out the window.

“What the fuck is your problem?! Do you think I did it on _purpose_? You think I fucking _chose_ to do this, that I woke up today and thought ‘Hey, I know what I should do! I should completely fuck up our case, and possibly lose my fucking job!’” His eyes are starting to brim with tears, his voice is already feeling hoarse and raising in pitch with anger. The exhaustion isn’t helping keep them at bay, and before he knows it the droplets are rolling down his red cheeks. He feels raw, cut open and laid out bare for everyone to see. For _Nines_ to see.

“I don’t _choose_ to not fucking sleep, you fucking _asshole_! I don’t choose to lie awake at night and have my brain keep going on, and on and _on._ You have no fucking idea what that’s like, do you? You stupid fucking machine. You don’t know what this feels like, you don’t know shit about how _I_ feel! You’ve never felt a damn thing in your whole life. Well guess fucking what, we _humans_ don’t just turn off for the night. We don’t just press a stupid ‘sleep’ button, and some of us deal with shit you’ll never even have to think about, alright?!”

His voice breaks awkwardly in a sob, but he keeps going. His mind is somewhere else completely, he’s fully going on the autopilot of his rage now.

“You think you’re so high and fucking mighty all the time. But really, what’s the use of a robot trying to play and pretend to be human? You’ll never be anything besides an overpriced piece of crap. You’re _worthless_.”

Nines looks completely taken aback by the onslaught of venomous words, LED aggressively spinning red. Good. Hit him where it hurts. Let the fucker try and process _that_.

Gavin rubs his nose and cheeks dry of his tears and storms off with a final shove of his body against the android’s. He completely hadn’t expected Nines to attack him like that. It _hurt_. It hurt so much more than he was willing to admit. After everything, he thought he and Nines had finally come to some sort of an understanding of each other. Guess he was fuckin’ wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gavin Reed: "I would've fucked you up for disobeying a human."  
> Me: that's my soft bby boi right there!!!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines and Gavin work through their feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo im splitting up this chapter cause it was getting so long, and too much was happening! This is written from Nines' POV, right after Gavin has stormed off.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!! <3

Nines was stunned. Completely, and utterly shaken up. His LED was pulsing a vivid crimson as he tried to process what in the world just happened. Gavin’s splotchy red face kept appearing in front of him as he played the recording over, and over.

_‘You have no fucking idea what that’s like, do you? You stupid fucking machine.’_

Gavin hadn’t called him a _machine_ in so long. Sure, he still called him a tin can, jokingly say he’s a weird looking robot or even a plastic detective, but he never called him a machine anymore. A lifeless, robotic piece of wires and metal. There was such a vicious sneer in his words when he said it. It felt... What _did_ it feel like..?

For lack of a better word, Nines decided to settle on unpleasant. It felt unpleasant. As if someone tore up his wires, hacked into his mainframe and messed up his code. There was a certain rawness to the feeling, and although he didn’t _need_ to breathe, unless it was to cool his processors from overheating, he sucked in a few long, shaky breaths anyways. Hoping to somehow relieve the sudden pressure pushing down on his chest.

And that in and of itself felt incredibly foreign. There was absolutely nothing physically weighing him down. His processors weren’t overloaded. There was no reason for him to _feel_ like this. And even if that were the case, _breathing_ wouldn’t do anything. Nothing made any sense. What was happening to him?

“The hell did I just witness?”

Nines snapped out of his dreamy state and turned around to face the gruff voice coming from behind him. He manages to school his features into his usual more neutral scowl, tries not to let on the several errors popping up in his vision.

“Lieutenant Anderson.”

“Nines. Did you just get Gavin _fucking_ Reed to cry?”

The pressure increased tenfold. His thirium pump picked up speed and his breathing became ragged and hurried. Gavin’s face popped up again. His bloodshot, exhausted brown eyes turning glassy with unshed tears, before finally spilling over and wetting his cheeks. The broken _sob_ near the end of his sentence and the furious, venomous words thrown at him. It certainly was a lot more than ‘unpleasant’. It hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it _hurt._

Nines felt his neutral scowl slipping of his face, replaced by an uncomfortable and perturbed grimace. His LED flickered harshly as he tried to clear his red vision, tried to find any damages in his system and clear out any possible errors. His audio processors glitched out for a second, the words of his Lieutenant lost in the harsh hissing and buzzing of them.

And suddenly there was a large hand on the junction between his shoulder and neck, giving him a tight squeeze and bringing him back down. The white noise leaves him as his audio processors start up again.

“Nines. Hey!”

His head lifts up, optical units zooming in on the figure in front of him, and running an almost automatic facial recognition.

**_L T . A N D E R S O N , H A N K  
_ ** _B o r n : 0 9 / 0 6 / 1 9 8 5 / / P o l i c e L i e u t e n a n t  
C r i m i n a l r e c o r d : N o n e_

The factual and objective data helps override the bombarding of errors that had flooded his system, helps him take the reins back and manage everything into its separate, correct place again. He’s fine. He’s here, outside of the police station, where he works. It’s January 10th, a Tuesday. 9:48:06 AM. Lieutenant Hank Anderson is standing in front of him, his hand is placed on his shoulder. It’s snowing, and there’s a mild breeze that his sensors are able to pick up. He.. He had a short conflict with Gavin. That he can solve. That he _will_ solve. He’s fine.

The hand on his shoulder tightens again, giving him a gentle shake.

“Hey, kid- Seriously. You okay?”

Nines gives a curt nod, removes the man’s hand from his shoulder and clasps his hands behind his back as he forces his features into an indifferent stare again. He’s an android police detective. He cannot let these small things fuck up his system like that, again. He has duties to perform, orders to follow.

“My apologies, Lieutenant. My software seemed to have malfunctioned, but it seems to be back in working order now. I’ll go back inside and continue-”

Hank snorts, and Nines feels a nearly undetectable twitch in his eye at the interruption.

“God, you’re even worse than Connor was before he deviated.”

Nines immediately hates the comparison. “I am not Connor.”

“Hah, no, clearly you’re not.”

“If you‘ll excuse me-“

“Nines, cut the bullshit for a sec, will ya?” The lieutenant crosses his arms and frowns as he looks over Nines. “You’re clearly upset. Your uh, your thing-” He taps his fingers against his own temple as to insinuate what he’s talking about ”-is still on red. Which means you’re distressed, right? Well, here’s your first lesson in feeling feelings, Nines. Talking about them.”

_Feeling feelings._ _What does that even mean? He’s feeling them, alright._

“It helps you work through your shit. Trust me, I know. So tell me, what the hell happened out here? I’ve never seen Gavin break down like that.”

Nines frowns at the ground. Hank doesn’t seem like he’s going to let Nines just slide away from this, and he doesn’t want to waste his time standing around and doing nothing.

“I.. seemed to have severely upset Detective Reed. It was not my intention to do so, nor to make him storm off like that. I simply wanted to point out that his behavior today was rather.. disagreeable. It has been, for this entirety of last week. He crossed some lines today, and I would like to avoid a repeat of what he did, in the future. I thought.. making him aware of the consequences of his impulsive behavior would make him reevaluate, at least.”

“And you think he isn’t aware of them already?”

_‘Do you think I did it on purpose? You think I fucking chose to do this?!’  
‘…-should completely fuck up our case, and possible lose my fucking job!’_

Nines pauses, mulls the thought over in his head. Of course Gavin would know the consequences. He _knows_ Gavin didn’t exactly do it on purpose, but as he said to him before, lack of sleep and an overconsumption of caffeine can make someone prickly and bad-tempered. He still _chose_ to do that, didn’t he?

“It wasn’t exactly ideal of him to come into work with such little sleep and high caffeine levels in his blood. It’s like he set himself up for failure.”

“Humans aren’t ideal. That’s not how this works. We make bad decisions, we fuck up sometimes. We do irrational shit that probably doesn’t make much sense to your codes, or whatever. You’d rather he stayed home, skipped out on his job? No, he comes in and gets his shit done. He’s a _very_ hard worker, Nines. One of the best detectives I have. He’s not going to sabotage himself on purpose. You of all people should know that.”

Hank pauses then, seems a bit lost in thought as he stares at the white blankets of snow surrounding them.

“Look, he… He’s always struggled with his sleeping habits, for as long as I’ve known him. It’s not a choice. He does what he can, and pushes himself to do his best every day, no matter how beat he is. That should be fuckin’ admirable, if anything. On top of that, this job isn’t exactly one where you can have your precious beauty sleep every night.” he laughs, shakes his head with a soft smile on his face.

“You get called up in the middle of the night, go to crime scenes that sometimes make you straight up wanna puke your guts out. You see tons of dead people, work on cases that you’re maybe unable to solve for _months_. You deal with a _lot_ of crazy people, and a lot of crazy shit.. Some of the guys have had a gun pointed straight to their face, not knowing whether they’re gonna live to see another day or not. That’s some dark shit that’s gonna stay with you for a while.”

“I know this all might be a little hard for you to understand but.. Give him a break, yeah? He slipped up today, but so fuckin’ what? You saw him, he looked like _shit_. The past few days have probably been incredibly rough on him. He’s got his own demons to deal with. You’re not here to reprimand him, Nines. You’re here to support each other, depend on each other. Fill in where the other lacks. Let Fowler handle the rest.”

Nines can’t stop the regret blooming all over his features. His LED has calmed down to a yellow though, he feels like he’s got a better viewpoint on the whole thing now. Humans can be so.. Erratic. Fickle. But oh, so precious and _human_.

“That.. That does makes more sense. His hostility towards me and other has been improving tremendously over the course of the past few months. I shouldn’t have overstepped my boundaries today.. I was wrong.”

“Ah, you’re fine kid.” He nods his head towards the street. “Go kiss and make up.”

The android frowns ever so slightly, in confusion. “..I have work to do.”

“I’ll have a chat with Fowler, it’s no big deal. You, go see Reed. Apologize. Neither of you are in a good headspace to get anything done like this.”

Nines visibly hesitates for a few moments, but eventually nods and starts calculating the route to Gavin Reed’s apartment. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

He starts turning on his heel, but his name being called out has him stop.

“Oh, and Nines? If you can, get him to eat something. Keep him away from the fuckin’ coffee, and if this continues on any longer, either force him to the gym, get him to work out his energy and frustrations at the punching bag, or get him to talk to you or _something_. Shit like that usually does him good. God knows he’s wearing himself down to the bone.”

The Lieutenant is definitely showing a different side of himself today. Gavin’s interactions with Hank had led him to believe they had a decent dislike for each other. Where that originated from, he had no clue. But Gavin always seemed bitter and distasteful towards his superior. In this moment, though, Hank was almost making it seem like..

“Lieutenant Anderson... You and Detective Reed. Am I incorrect to assume the two of you must have been rather close, in the past?”

Hank looks taken aback for a moment, visibly flushed. He had definitely not been expecting Nines to ask that. The lieutenant looks away with an almost mournful smile on his face.

“Well… He’s a good kid. I know he seems like a complete asshole most of the time now, but there was a time.. Before-“ Hank interrupts himself, pauses a second before continuing. “There was a time where he and I got along pretty well. I watched him grow up and evolve as a person, and as a cop, right before my eyes, after all. Despite the fact that he can be a total shit sometimes, he’s… I’m proud of him.” The Lieutenant crosses his arms and nods, his smile turning into one of pride. It looked fatherly, almost.

“Now, off you go. And don’t bother coming back until you’ve both sorted your shit out.” He snorts and walks back into the precinct, leaving Nines standing alone in the snow.

And so, a good few minutes later Nines finds himself standing in front of Gavin Reed’s apartment door. Number 416, to be exact. His hand is raised in a fist, hesitating to knock. He had come here with the intent to apologize, but what if Gavin had gone home and went straight to bed? He’d only be interrupting his sleep, which is the complete opposite of what he wants.

He’s debating on whether he should turn around, maybe come back another time. But then again, he’s quite literally taking time off of work for this. And besides, if Gavin isn’t sleeping, he doesn’t want to leave him without an apology for any longer than he needs to. He really messed up, he doesn’t want that to affect Gavin too severely. The longer he lets it sit, the more it’s going to cut itself a way into the detective.

So he raises his hand again, and delivers three firm, loud knocks. Immediately he hears a curse from the other side of the door, before it opens to show a disgruntled looking Gavin, cozied up in sweatpants and a hoodie with the hood over his head. A few tuts of hair are messily sticking up, and if it were possible, he looks even more knackered than before.

Gavin’s eyes widen at seeing the android, and before Nines can so much as open his mouth, the door is slammed shut in his face, and locked. He hears soft footsteps walking away.

Well, then.

He should’ve most definitely seen that coming. Gavin wanted nothing to do with him at the moment, and could be very, _very_ stubborn when he wanted to. Nines has been witness of that multiple times. So, instead of knocking again, he placed his hand against the electronic pad near the door handle. The skin around his hand retracts, allowing him to hack into the system.

He knows Gavin’s not gonna be happy about that. And although Nines doesn’t want to push any more boundaries than he already has, doesn’t want to betray Gavin’s trust, he feels like he might be able to get away with this. More often than not, Gavin’s a lot of bark but no bite. He thinks he’s figured out his partner enough by now, to know how to carefully thread around him. Knows where he’s allowed to push and where he isn’t.

Gavin’s too stubborn for his own good sometimes. If Nines weren’t as obtrusive as he was, he doubts his relationship with the detective would be where it is now. Gavin doesn’t like pushovers. He _wants_ to be push and be pushed back, wants to be challenged. Wants others to prove that they’re not leaving him at the smallest inconvenience.

What happened earlier this morning was a mistake. He should’ve known better, and he _did,_ but... He might’ve taken Gavin’s anger a lot more personal than he’d like.

When the lock makes a beeping sound, to signify its activation, he pushes the door open, and walks in. Gavin’s standing right in front of him, with a gun in his hand. Pointing at Nines.

“Get the _fuck_ out of my house.”

The android stills for only a split second, before he closes the door gently behind himself. _All bark, no bite_. He walks forward, ignores the sight of the barrel pointing straight at his head, and Gavin looks a mixture between furious and scared.

For every step he takes forward, Gavin takes a small one back.

“I’m dead fucking serious Nines, I’ll shoot your fucking brains out. Get out!”

He reaches Gavin, who’s backed up against a wall now. His hand’s shakily holding onto the gun, face twisted up in despair, anger, _hurt_ , but Nines gently cups his own hand over the human’s, and slowly pushes it down.

“No, you won’t.”

The gun clatters to the floor, and Gavin’s hands bawl up into tight fists. He’s looking away with a harsh scowl on his face, but there’s a glassiness in his eyes that reminds Nines how fragile Gavin is in this moment. He really has to thread carefully, doesn’t want to make the wrong move and have it all crumble to pieces. Gavin’s like a scared little rabbit, trapped right in front of him. Unsure whether he’s able to trust Nines again or not.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here, huh? Come here to criticize me some more? Tell me how stupid you think I am?”

“I was wrong.”

It makes the human frown slightly, but he’s still not looking at Nines. He keeps his eyes glued to the floor, and his teeth gritting on top of each other.

“I made a mistake. I messed up. I came here to apologize for that.” Nines pauses, trying to find the words to convey his feelings best. He’s certainly not good at that.

“You’re an exceptional detective, Gavin. You’re clever, and resourceful, your sharp mind has helped us solve _many_ cases in the past that I know for a fact I couldn’t have without you. You have such a way with your interrogations, getting people to confess when they’re hardly aware of what they’re saying anymore. Your hard work and dedication to your job is truly astonishing. I should’ve recognized how much you pushed yourself to work this hard every day, all the while I was unaware of what was happening behind the scenes. I am _very_ lucky to have been assigned your partner, detective. There’s no one I’d rather do this with, than you. I’m… I’m truly sorry, Gavin. I was out of line, and-”

A silent sniff makes him stop his rambling, and he looks up to see Gavin’s chest heaving and fresh beads of water spilling from his eyes, over his cheeks, and dropping on the floor. He immediately starts curling in on himself, pressing his chin to his chest and palms against his eyes and trembles with every harsh breath he sucks in and starts downright _sobbing_.

Nines feels like someone ripped out his thirium pump regulator and stepped on it right in front of his eyes. He feels a harsh need to _protect_ bubble up inside of him, steps that final bit closer to Gavin and pulls him against his chest.

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, Gavin. I.. I fucked up.”

He rarely curses, but it completely slipped out on its own. He doesn’t like seeing Gavin this unraveled, knowing _he’s_ the one who caused it, that he’s the _one_ person who managed to break Gavin, and make him cry twice in one day.

But he does what he can to fix his mistakes, holds onto Gavin tightly as he continues letting it all out, soft little hiccups filling the air between them. One hand is cradling the hood on his head, the other wrapped around his shoulders. And they stand like that, for a while. In his arms, pressed against him, Gavin seems so _small._ He’s completely enveloped by Nines, his face buried somewhere against his chest. All the Nines wants is to keep him _safe_. To care for him, protect him. Be his shield, and his support.

And Nines _wants_ to be puzzled by the strong feelings carving a home inside of his chest, wants to be confused because they don’t make any _sense_. Gavin can fend for himself, and has proven that many times. But he’s learned that feelings hardly ever make sense. They’re not rational, they’re not objective. They’re not some easy data he can figure out. Aside from that, he’s known these feelings for quite some time now. They almost feel like a second nature. Like it’s his assigned mission. _Protect Gavin._

Eventually, after a very long while, Gavin’s heart-wrenching sobs come to a stop, calming into a softer sniff and a sigh every now and then. He’s not shaking anymore, and Nines can feel the human’s fists balled up in his jacket. He must be thoroughly worn out now. That’s definitely got to have taken every last bit of energy he had.

Just one more time, to make sure his point gets across, Nines whispers softly under his breath. “ _I’m sorry_..”

And then Gavin steps back, out of his arms, and Nines can feel an ache building up inside of him already at the comfortable warmth suddenly leaving him. Again, irrational. He has no need for bodily warmth, and Gavin’s still right in front of him. But still. The unpleasant feeling is most definitely there.

“Fuck you, you fucking asshole.”

Unlike earlier, there’s absolutely no heat in the words. There’s an almost timid smile on Gavin’s face, that Nines’ has to immediately save somewhere in his files because he so rarely gets to see _that_. “Fuckin’.. Making me cry like that.. Prick..”

He sniffs one last time and rubs his cheeks and nose dry with the sleeve of his oversized hoodie. Nines feels a smile of his own tug at his lips.

“Gavin. Allow me to help you.”

Nines almost regrets the words leaving his mouth as he sees Gavin cross his arms defensively, and look away again. But his tired eyes and collapsed pose fail to bring across the intimidation he had probably aimed for.

“What, you gonna sleep in my stead, tin can?”

“While I can’t exactly do that, I _can_ make breakfast. I highly doubt you’ve eaten yet.”

Gavin seems to think it over, looks towards his own kitchen and back to Nines. He’s silent for only a short moment before his stomach makes a loud, growly noise in the quiet. A hint of red immediately spreads over his cheeks as he lays a hand flat on top his stomach, to try and somehow silence it. “Fuckin’ hell...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gavin deserves a good fucking nap with his cats and sum luv


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin finally gets his nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay sO this is a bit more rushed than I'd like, but that's on me for starting a nearly 15k fic in the middle of my exams pff-(it's quite literally 3AM as I'm uploading this, but hey now I get to cuddle up with my own cat and sleep heh)  
> Anyways this is it! The lovely catharsis. All that sweet hurt and exhaustion building up, to finally get some release now.
> 
> Oh and we're still in Nines' POV, i kinda struggled with who's POV I wanted to go with. There were a lot of Nines' feelings I wanted to get across, but then I love writing in Gavin's POV and there's also sometimes shit I wanna get across from his point of view.. It's frustrating lmao
> 
> But anyways, I do hope you enjoy <3

Gavin hesitates in front of Nines, looking like he’s internally battling himself whether he wants to give in or not. It’s a simple request, Nines making breakfast for him, but he knows to Gavin it might feel like a breach of the lines at which he prefers to keep people.

But then he simple gives a short nod, and walks over to his kitchen.

“Sure. If you wanna make me breakfast, be my fuckin’ guest” He snorts. “I’m not gonna say no when a rare offer like that is given. Don’t know if I got much of anything, though.”

Nines feels immediate relief, and follows the human after he’s picked up the gun from the floor and put it in a safe place. He’s never been inside of Gavin’s home before, tries to hold himself back from immediately scanning every single little thing in his vision to discover more about the human. There’s a strange, fuzzy little ball in front of him that jingles as he accidentally kicks it. That’s strange, what would Gavin do with-

Almost immediately, a dark brown cat jumps in front of him and viciously attacks the object. Nines is stood completely still, hadn’t expected any other living being here, except for Gavin. He scans the feline and finds it to be a Burmese cat. Kitten, really, at only about 4 months old, give or take.

It’s very.. cute. Almost reminds him of Gavin, for some reason. Just as he’s thinking about it, the kitten seems to have a new target in mind. His legs. And yes, now it completely reminds him of Gavin.

“Hey- _Hey._ Dipshit, stop fuckin’ attacking Nines you idiot.”

Gavin leans down and picks up the kitten who meows playfully as it bats its little paws at its owner’s hand. 

“Detective. Please, don’t tell me you’ve named your pet ‘dipshit’.”

Gavin gives him an amused, playful stare and it makes his thirium pump seem to skip a beat.

“What, you don’t like it?”

“Gavin…”

“Christ, I’m kidding. Get that fuckin’ stick out of your ass.” He snorts, shakes his head and sits down at the kitchen island as he holds the feline above his head. “I mean, it _is_ kind of her nickname. But nah, this little girl is called Espresso. Aren’t you sweetheart?” He pulls the young feline up to his face and places a kiss on her nose, to which she replies with a bat of her paw. “Kinda looks like it, doesn’t she?”

“You’ve named her after coffee. Because she looks like it.” Nines is huffs out a breath. This human is truly going to be the death of him.

“Well, yeah. I mean.. there’s kinda more to it but.. It’s a long story. And anyways, weren’t you gonna make me food, robot nanny?”

“You’re starting to make me regret the offer.” Nines affectionately rolls his eyes, but starts moving about anyways, while Gavin takes a seat at the kitchen island. He has an idea of what he can make, hopes that Gavin has all the ingredients at home. He opens cupboards, the fridge, runs quick scans of the items inside, and grabs what he needs. Eggs, flower, almond milk.. He spots bananas in the corner of his vision, and picks those up as well.

“You know, you’ve always been the first one to claim that you’re not a domestic model, that you’re _‘the most_ _advanced RK model’._ ” Gavin says in a mock imitation of the android’s voice. “But I think you’re finally showing your true self here, Nines.”

Gavin’s gazing at him with an entertained, relaxed smile, teasing the android as he’s mixing up the ingredients. Nines is glad to see most of the frustrations and worries he’s seen on him all day gone. It still lingers in the bags underneath his eyes, the bloodshot redness of them, and the crinkling lines on his forehead. But the smile smooths out most of it, and with the hoodie on, he looks very peaceful. Serene. And he’s looking at _Nines_ like this. Is allowing himself a moment of vulnerability, a moment where he lets Nines step a little deeper into his life. He’s letting the android care for him.

The pressure he feels on his chest is incomparable to the one earlier. It doesn’t feel heavy, at all. He doesn’t feel like he’s being dragged down, it doesn’t feel.. Unpleasant. Quite the opposite actually.

Espresso jumps away from Gavin and runs into the living room, shaking Nines out of his thoughts.

“I assure you, I am in no way a domestic model. Any android could look up a recipe for pancakes on the spot. I simply wasn’t _specifically_ built to carry out mundane tasks like these, in order to care for other people.” He says as he turns away from the now mixed up pancake batter, to put a pan on the stove and turns on the heat.

“You’re doing it now.” Gavin says, and Nines sees the shit eating grin on his face from the corner of his vision. _That little devil…_

“Count yourself lucky.”

“Oh, I will.. Ya know, Nines, I wouldn’t mind having you be my android bitch, actually. You could make me dinner when I get home from work, tidy up the house a bit, sing me lullabies..” He snorts as he leans back in his chair, arms crossed behind his head.

Nines’ head snaps to Gavin, and his icy blue eyes stare him down sharply. There’s a playful glint in them, excited by the usual push and pull of their relationship that he’s so familiar with. He _had_ been a bit worried he possibly ruined everything today, that he had put an irreversible distance between him and Gavin again.

“See if you can get away with calling me your ‘android bitch’ again, detective. I must warn you, the consequences won’t be pretty.”

Gavin wisely keeps his mouth shut, raises his hand in surrender. Nines stares him down a second longer, but then turns back to the stove to finish up the pancakes. “Good.”

They sit in a comfortable silence for the most part as Nines finishes up, talk about some work related stuff every here and there. It’s not long before they’re done, and the android starts plating up them up. He tops the stack with some maple syrup and bananas, and then places it right in front of Gavin, who looks _very_ appreciative.

“Holy shit, Nines.. That looks so fucking good.”

The android hesitates before answering, doesn’t want to push the conversation in the wrong direction by what he’s about to say. Gavin seems reluctant to accept any sort of help more often than not, _hates_ it when other people get all up in his business. It can be infuriating to watch him so relentlessly deny himself care and affection. But he decides to risk it anyways.

“Almonds are a source of the sleep-regulating hormone, melatonin. On top of that they also contain magnesium and are known to reduce levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Bananas contain magnesium too, as well as tryptophan and potassium, of which have been said to naturally reduce muscle and nerve function while also steadying your heart rhythm. All of these substances should help promote a deeper, higher quality rest. This isn’t 100% factual, of course. But.. I figured it couldn’t hurt.”

Gavin’s silent, staring up at Nines with his mouth slightly agape. The android’s thirium pump has definitely picked up in speed, and he’s starting to feel himself panic a little. Maybe it was the wrong move, after all.

“...My apologies, detective. I didn’t meant to overstep.”

“No, I- Ah, it’s fine, jesus Nines.” Gavin huffs out a breath, then softly chuckles as he digs into the pancakes. “Stop looking at me like I killed your fuckin’ puppy, alright?”

Nines schools his face into neutrality again, unaware he’d let his emotions slip and show on his face.

“Noted.”

Gavin swallows his bite, looks up at Nines with a barely there frown, almost regretful.

“Okay, first of all, these are fucking _amazing_. So… Thank you, for that. Second of all, look, Nines..” He interrupts himself with a sigh, looks away from Nines and seems to try and hide himself in his hoodie a bit more. 

“I… I’m sorry for earlier too, alright. I shouldn’t have freaked out at you like that. I know you didn’t mean any harm, and I know that the whole shitshow was my fault-“

“It hardly was, detective-“

“ _Nines_. If you wanna hear an apology shut the fuck up and let me finish.”

The android’s mouth shuts immediately. He doesn’t believe Gavin is at fault here, at all, but he knows where he’s allowed to push and where he isn’t. If Gavin wants to apologize, Nines is most definitely not allowed to interrupt. It’s one of those things that really annoys the human, makes him crawl deeper back into his shell and take his distance again. So, Nines keeps his mouth shut, lets Gavin continue.

“Yelling at you? That was my fault. I said some nasty shit, nothing that I ever wanna hear out of my own fuckin’ mouth again. The, uh, the sleeping thing, however.. I don’t.. I don’t like it when people make it seem like it’s my own fault for not sleeping. Like I should try harder, like it’s a _choice_.” Gavin says bitterly, takes small bites out of his pancakes as he continues. Nines fights to keep quiet until Gavin’s finished.

“It’s not. Obviously. But you didn’t know any better. I mean, you’re a fucking android. No offense, Nines.” And Nines simply nods, acknowledging that he’s not taking any offense to the statement.

“You don’t really need to sleep. You wouldn’t know what it’s like to.. Just.. Not be able to. To run on empty for days on end. But.. It really fuckin’ hurt when you said those things. And I wanted to hurt you back. I didn’t mean any of that shit, Nines. At all. You.. You’ve made me feel more fucking _alive_ than I have in years..”

Gavin stops talking then, seems lost in thought with an almost confused frown at on his face. But then he shakes himself out of it, takes the last bite of his pancake and shoves the plate away from himself.

“Anyways, enough with all this bullshit, Jesus fucking Christ. Just.. You’re a good partner, alright? And I like having you around, too. It’s been good.”

Nines is stunned to silence, has to control himself to not wrap Gavin up in his arms again. Whatever this is, whatever they’ve built up between each other. It feels highly enjoyable. He never wants this feeling to leave him.

It feels so uniquely them, the two having found some sort of home within each other, whatever that may mean for them individually. They’re both often seen as 2 huge pricks by most of the precinct. Nines a stoic, lifeless machine. Gavin impulsive, obnoxious and annoying. But there’s a lot more to it. There’s an openness to Gavin, of which he knows he’s one of the very few who gets to see that. And vice versa. Nines is able to let himself falter in front of Gavin, doesn’t feel like he has to keep up this invincible persona at all times. Gavin makes him feel safe, wanted. Seen and heard.

“God, I’m so fucking exhausted now. It feels like this day has just dragged on, and on and _on._ ” Gavin sits up straight, rubs his eyes and lets out a heavy sigh. It’s quickly followed by a yawn though, and for a second Nines can’t help the smile tugging at his lips.

“Go make yourself comfortable. I’ll bring you some tea.”

Gavin doesn’t protest, nor hesitate at _all_. He just nods, rubs his tired eyes some more as he slouches over to the living room, and plops himself in the couch. Nines spots another feline then, casually walking over to Gavin before it jumps out of Nines’ view and onto Gavin’s lap.

 _Gavin had more cats?_ Nines does a quick scan over the house, can see several cat hairs all over, and counts 5 different breeds. That means at _least_ 5 different cats. _Gavin Reed, certified asshole by most, has at least 5 cats._

And sure enough, when he walks into the living room, a steaming hot cup of chamomile tea in his hand, _also sleep inducing_ , there’s a black and orange calico cat happily purring away on Gavin’s lap.

“And who might this be?”

Nines asks with a soft smile on his face as he hands over the cup, which Gavin graciously accepts.

“This is- Don’t fucking laugh okay.. This is Amaretto.”

It takes everything inside of Nines not to sigh or roll his eyes, or even straight up burst out laughing. A second cat named after a drink. Of course. He should’ve lowered his expectations in the first place.

“Do coke and water happen to be around as well? Maybe pepsi?”

“Shut the _fuck_ up.” Gavin’s fully laughing, trying to keep from spilling his tea as he snorts into the sleeve of his hoodie. “God, I fucking hate you so much.”

Nines feels pride and _affection_ swell in his chest. Captures the moment, saves it to a place easily accessible at all times. He’s standing still in front of the human, who looks at him with a lingering smile and a raised eyebrow. Then he pats the cushions next to him.

“You gonna sit or just keep standing there like an idiot?”

Nines rolls his eyes, but sits down anyways. He wasn’t sure whether Gavin had wanted him to stick around any longer. They’ve sorted their stuff out, he’s made breakfast, tea.. He no longer had any reason to stay. But Gavin wanted him here, would’ve thrown him out by now if that weren’t the case. So he’s grateful for the silent offer.

They sit in comfortable silence for a while longer, before Gavin speaks up. “I didn’t name her, actually. I mean, I did name Espresso, so I’ll take full responsibility for that.” He snorts. “But I didn’t give Amaretto her name.”

Gavin continues petting the very friendly cat, rubbing her behind her ears, then her chin, as the purrs grow louder. “I got her from a shelter. She was already named that way, and I kinda dug it. So I kept it. I remember seeing her come in.. It sucked to see her end up at a shelter. No one wanted her, for some reason. Too rowdy, too loud and _annoying_ , I don’t know. I think it’s precious. She has so much love to give to _anyone_ , all she wants is a little rub and pet in return, a safe place, some food.. That’s not so fucking hard is it.”

Gavin huffs out a breath, clearly upset. He finishes up the last bit of his tea before he reaches over the feline to put it on the table in front of them. Nines can tell Gavin is growing more drowsy, his speech is starting to slur together and the pauses between his sentences are gradually becoming longer, and longer.

“Well.. She’s here with you now though, isn’t she? I don’t think she could ask for a better owner. She seems like a very content girl.”

A very subtle hint of red spreads it’s way onto Gavin’s cheeks, that Nines knows he’s only able to pick up because of his advanced optical units. And then the tired human gently allows his head to fall onto Nines’ shoulder, who forces his body to relax and not stiffen up at the sudden weight and warmed pressed against his side.

Gavin hides a yawn into his sleeve, makes himself comfortable on the android’s shoulder.

“I like to think so.. It sucks that there are so many animals still trapped in shelters, just.. Just waiting to die. Or they get adopted, just to be returned again. It _sucks_.”

Nines simply nods. It’s all he can do to comfort him in this moment. He hadn’t immediately expected any of this from Gavin. Owning multiple cats, adopted ones at that, and having _such_ a heart for it.. But it all made so much sense. It was all so _Gavin._

Even with his very extensive vocabulary, Nines couldn’t express with words all of the feelings bubbling up inside of him right now. The desire to _protect_ jumps to the forefront again. _Protect Gavin. Care for Gavin._

They sit in silence for a while, and Nines almost thinks Gavin is starting to doze off. But then there’s the soft _pat pat pat_ of little paws coming to a halt in front of him. It’s a stunning, sleek white cat with a soft pink nose and ears. One eye is a striking yellow, the other a natural blue. It’s gazing up silently at Nines.

Gavin’s lifting his head off of Nines’ shoulder, and he immediately misses the touch. But Gavin’s not saying anything either, keeping himself as still as possible as he looks between Nines and the cat.

“..What’s-”

“ _Shhh_!”

Nines’ mouth shuts immediately, looks completely dumbfounded back at Gavin. Did he miss something?

“Hey, Nines. Don’t move too quickly. Reach out your hand a little. Let her sniff you.” The human almost whispers, keeps his eyes on the cat.

“Gavin... I’m an android, I highly doubt-“

“Nines.”

And so, Nines obeys, ever so gently lifts his hand up to the feline, so as to not scare her away. The white cat looks very apprehensive, slowly lifts her head to take a few sniffs of the android’s extended hand. And then, out of nowhere, a pink, rough little tongue darts out to lick his finger. It fires up on his sensors, makes his brain short-circuit for a split second cause he hadn’t expected it.

The feline starts rubbing her little head against Nines, who tries to remember the same motions Gavin had made earlier, and pets the cat behind her ears, on her cheeks, underneath her chin. She seems rather pleased, basks in the attention for only a moment before scurrying off again.

Nines feels almost disappointed.

“Holy _shit_.”

Gavin’s fully sitting upright now, staring in amazement at wherever the white cat had run off to. Nines wonders for a split second if he did something wrong.

“She _never_ does that. She hardly comes to me for a pet, let alone a fuckin’ stranger. I- She-.. Wow.. Count your blessing, tin can. Count your fucking blessings.” Gavin chuckles, seems amused and _excited_ , almost.

“..Would that happen to be Milk?”

It takes a second before Gavin catches on to the joke, but when he does, he throws his head back in a hearty laugh that doesn’t seem to stop. It fades out eventually, into soft giggles, as he punches the android’s shoulders. Not that he feels any sort of pain from it.

Gavin’s weary eyes seem to struggle to keep themselves open, and he throws his head back down on Nines’ shoulder, settling into their earlier position. Nines is almost convinced a little noise escapes his own throat.

“Way to fucking ruin a moment, asshole. Her name’s Rosie. Though I also didn’t pick that one.”

“Is she also from a shelter, then?”

“Yup.. She’s one of those that got adopted, and returned.. Three fucking times..” Gavin scoots a bit lower, as a yawn interrupts him again. Nines knows he should let him sleep soon. If he’s able to, that is. But for now, he’s enjoying listening to Gavin talk. Listening to Gavin open up to him, and with every story, take him a few steps deeper and deeper into his life.

“Rosie.. Used to be a bit of an aggressive cat. Didn’t like people, didn’t want to be anywhere near people. Hissed and spit at anyone who tried to invade her personal space. Not the ideal cuddly type most people look for in a pet, y’know? But, as you can see.. She’s a completely changed kitty now. All it took was some patience, some love and giving her her own space. Not forcing her out of her shell, or forcing her to be a fuckin’ cuddle cat, but rather building a bond. A safe space. For her to be just as she is..”

Nines reflects on the words. _Not forcing her out of her shell. Building a bond. A safe space._ It very much reminded him of someone. That someone being the detective curled up against his side right now. Much like Gavin had with his cats, Nines had known to always give Gavin his space. Respect his boundaries. Don’t cross them, don’t betray his trust. Show him you’re willing to stay on the other side for as long as necessary. Until the trust starts building. Until the other person starts letting you into their safe space, starts accepting you and your affection.

“You’re a remarkable human being, detective. Taking care of other, smaller beings like that.. It’s not something many would sacrifice much for. It’s a _very_ admirable quality to have.”

Gavin stays silent for a moment, shrugging his shoulders as he scratches the scar on his nose.

“I dunno, I just wanna.. Help out where I can, I guess.”

He lets out another big yawn then, and Nines feels like it’s time to let him rest. He starts sitting up slightly, and Gavin moves with him, letting out a confused little noise at the sudden interruption of his peace and comfort.

“You should head to bed, detective. I can leave, if you want me to-“

“ _No-_ What? Wait, Nines.. Don’t.. I don’t want you to leave.” Gavin sounds _so_ vulnerable in that moment, so small and defenseless. Nines regrets the words even having left his mouth.

“Of course, Gavin.. I can stay.. You should get some rest, though, possibly in a more comfortable position.”

His partner looks around, looks towards where Nines guesses his bedroom is before he looks back around the living room. Then he stands up, a little wobbly, but gestures for Nines to stay put as he walks to the other couch to grab a blanket, and then back to the couch they were sat on.

“Lie down.”

Nines blinks up at him with a puzzled look on his face.

“You wanted to get more comfortable. Lie down.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean- I mean- Well, I thought-“

“ _Nines._ ” Gavin sighs his name with a little eyeroll and a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

And so, Nines shuts his mouth and shuffles down until he’s lying a lot more horizontally, propped up on some pillows underneath his back and neck. Gavin is silent as he climbs on top of the android, pulls the large, fuzzy blanket over both of them and finds a comfortable position.

“’s this okay?”

His voice comes out a little muffled and slurred, against his chest, and Nines feels his thirium pump beat faster.

“Yes.. More than. Are you comfortable..?”

All Gavin does is give nod, and lets out a satisfied little sigh. Nines would gladly contribute in any little way to help Gavin with his struggles against sleep. Serotonin and oxytocin are 2 hormones, released by physical touch, that play a very important role in calming someone. It would make Gavin succumb to sleep more easily, and stay asleep for longer.

Plus.. Nines himself got a very strange satisfaction from this. A hazy sort of warmth seemed to fill up his chest cavity. _Protect Gavin. Care for Gavin._ Before he can overthink it too much, he gently pulls down Gavin’s hood and starts rubbing his fingertips through the unruly locks, and against his scalp, in soothing circles. The motion reminds him of the way he had pet the white feline earlier, and he knows that if Gavin could, he’d be purring right now.

He does, however, make a high pitched, breathy little noise as he stretches and buries himself deeper against Nines, deeper into the coziness of the blanket. There’s a comfortable warmth surrounding only them, leaving the cold, chilly winter air outside. Nines thinks this might be the most content he’s ever felt.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spots 2 other cats near the window, curled up against each other. “Gavin..?”

“Hmmmh?”

Nines continues his soothing rubs, one hand coming up to rub over the human’s back in slow, gentle circles. “Talk to me about your cats.. All of them. I’m sure they all have wonderful stories.”

Gavin tilts his head up, staring at Nines. He seems.. surprised, almost. But there’s a delighted smile taking over his face, before he settles his head down again and starts talking.

And while he listens to Gavin tell every story with great interest, he allows himself to sink deeper into the warm feelings seeping through.

And eventually, the house falls into a serene, and peaceful quiet. The only sounds being Gavin’s snoring, and the combined breathing of multiple cats from different spots all over the little apartment. Nines feels like he could get used to this.


End file.
